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I'm not sure where everything changed, but i think it happened around the spring of 2007 the first time and then again in April of 2011. It seems i have to have something to be proud of to keep me from falling into my head, which can be a very dark place. It was between 2006 & 2007 when i lost over 60lbs, and i for the first time started to feel good and proud of myself. It didn't help that i had easy access to appetite sup presents in college and then while working in the nightclub circuit for 3 years. let's just leave it at that, but let's not chalk it all up to drugs and stress. I was indeed working my ass off nightly, and i was actually exercising somewhat, and I was happy, I kept it off for a while. It was around that time I began working at the theater. Just an intern, but it wasn't very long before i clawed my way to the top. I was spoiled, everyone was telling me how talented i was and how amazing my work was, but no one was telling me that this was a fluke. I peaked, or at least i've spent the last few years feeling like i peaked. i was too young, i had too much creative freedom, with not enough restrictions. and if it had never been for R's mistakes, one of which i might have been, it never would have ended, but the bubble burst and left me laying flat of my skinny ass. the problem was i walked away with an inflated head on my shoulders. and it knocked me on my ass when i couldn't walk into a new establishment and just take it over like i had at the theater. I've spent 3 years now trying to get back that level of power, that freedom, that trust in my artistic judgement. it hasn't happened yet, but i have a plan. I'm working on it. and that is going to be my next and biggest chapter yet.